Our country’s first president, Babu Rajendra Prasad, who was also an erudite scholar once observed : “kos kos mein badale pani, char kos mein badale bani” Roughly translated it means for every distance of a kos (krosh, an ancient Indian measure of distance approximately equals 2.25 miles or 3.6 km), quality of water changes and the dialect of the region changes for every four kos (10 miles or 16 km).
We can extend that logic to different cultural ethos in our country. Given the vastness of the land and the almost antique nature of myriad cultures that have been coexisting since millennium places our country in a unique position. Confluence of different cultures that occurs as a result of constant migration and assimilation and adaptation to the new environment could, at times, results in a situation that would seem incongruous with respect to well accepted societal dogmas and social ethics. Even the mundane things like social practices and behaviour which we take for granted amongst ourselves would get metamorphosed and acquire different hues. Let me narrate an experience of one of my friends who left his native state Tamilnadu and reached Bombay (now Mumbai) in search of a job and married to a second generation Tamilian girl whose grandfather migrated and settled in Mumbai during early 1930s. The girl was also employed in a Government organization.
You see, even after a couple of months into our marriage, I was still searching for accommodation. I was staying as paying guest in Anushaktinagar and my wife was still at her parents in Sion (a suburb of Mumbai). On a Friday evening after work, I went to my in-laws. Thinking that I would have evening tea and snacks and possibly dinner there I skipped afternoon tea at office and leisurely reached Sion by 5 PM. My brother-in-law opened the door and said “hi”, shook hands and received me. Both of us entered the hall and from there he called out to say that bava has come. Mother-in-law greeted me. I was told that my wife was yet to come. After some pleasantries, mother-in-law went inside and presently she called her son to inquire if I would wish to have tea or coffee. You see I was still harbouring the good old traditional practices we used to observe in our homes in Madras (Now Chennai). You know what would be our usual response! Normally we initially say no, the other party would insist that we should have and this gets repeated a few times and at the end we reluctantly agree to have either coffee or tea!
Thinking that similar behaviour would be in order, I said I don’t want anything. I was eagerly awaiting a second round of requests. But none came. My brother-in-law went inside and told his mother that bava did not want and he came out holding his cup of tea. Presently mother-in-law also came out with her cup of coffee. Sitting royally in front of me they began sipping the beverages. Imagine my situation! Here I am, thinking that I would get sumptuous treatment at Sion, skipped tea at office. Now I was left high and dry. I was getting annoyed and tried to show my displeasure on my face. But no use! They did not even notice and began chitchatting about all the sundry things trying to draw me also into their conversation. I was feeling lost but at that time my wife came from office. ‘Thank God! Now that she has come I would get the proper treatment’. I smiled inwardly.
My wife greeted me and enquired if I brought the good news of any accommodation. I smiled at her. She went inside and after changing, she came back and sat beside me. She touched my shoulder and asked no one in particular if I was served. Before I opened my mouth, my brother-in-law blurted out that they enquired and I did not want any thing. My wife simply nodded and without speaking went inside and came out holding her cup of tea! Sitting beside me, sipping slowly and contentedly and enquired how long it takes to look for accommodation. I did not gather enough courage to ask for tea.
My friend told me that after a few years he got Departmental accommodation and set up the family. He recalled this incident in front of his wife. She sympathized with him and told that he should have been more open and indicated that he would like to have tea. None of them would have objected to it and gladly obliged. It was a perfectly natural behaviour. Or she should have known my predicament and would have acted accordingly!
We can extend that logic to different cultural ethos in our country. Given the vastness of the land and the almost antique nature of myriad cultures that have been coexisting since millennium places our country in a unique position. Confluence of different cultures that occurs as a result of constant migration and assimilation and adaptation to the new environment could, at times, results in a situation that would seem incongruous with respect to well accepted societal dogmas and social ethics. Even the mundane things like social practices and behaviour which we take for granted amongst ourselves would get metamorphosed and acquire different hues. Let me narrate an experience of one of my friends who left his native state Tamilnadu and reached Bombay (now Mumbai) in search of a job and married to a second generation Tamilian girl whose grandfather migrated and settled in Mumbai during early 1930s. The girl was also employed in a Government organization.
You see, even after a couple of months into our marriage, I was still searching for accommodation. I was staying as paying guest in Anushaktinagar and my wife was still at her parents in Sion (a suburb of Mumbai). On a Friday evening after work, I went to my in-laws. Thinking that I would have evening tea and snacks and possibly dinner there I skipped afternoon tea at office and leisurely reached Sion by 5 PM. My brother-in-law opened the door and said “hi”, shook hands and received me. Both of us entered the hall and from there he called out to say that bava has come. Mother-in-law greeted me. I was told that my wife was yet to come. After some pleasantries, mother-in-law went inside and presently she called her son to inquire if I would wish to have tea or coffee. You see I was still harbouring the good old traditional practices we used to observe in our homes in Madras (Now Chennai). You know what would be our usual response! Normally we initially say no, the other party would insist that we should have and this gets repeated a few times and at the end we reluctantly agree to have either coffee or tea!
Thinking that similar behaviour would be in order, I said I don’t want anything. I was eagerly awaiting a second round of requests. But none came. My brother-in-law went inside and told his mother that bava did not want and he came out holding his cup of tea. Presently mother-in-law also came out with her cup of coffee. Sitting royally in front of me they began sipping the beverages. Imagine my situation! Here I am, thinking that I would get sumptuous treatment at Sion, skipped tea at office. Now I was left high and dry. I was getting annoyed and tried to show my displeasure on my face. But no use! They did not even notice and began chitchatting about all the sundry things trying to draw me also into their conversation. I was feeling lost but at that time my wife came from office. ‘Thank God! Now that she has come I would get the proper treatment’. I smiled inwardly.
My wife greeted me and enquired if I brought the good news of any accommodation. I smiled at her. She went inside and after changing, she came back and sat beside me. She touched my shoulder and asked no one in particular if I was served. Before I opened my mouth, my brother-in-law blurted out that they enquired and I did not want any thing. My wife simply nodded and without speaking went inside and came out holding her cup of tea! Sitting beside me, sipping slowly and contentedly and enquired how long it takes to look for accommodation. I did not gather enough courage to ask for tea.
My friend told me that after a few years he got Departmental accommodation and set up the family. He recalled this incident in front of his wife. She sympathized with him and told that he should have been more open and indicated that he would like to have tea. None of them would have objected to it and gladly obliged. It was a perfectly natural behaviour. Or she should have known my predicament and would have acted accordingly!
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